What Does It Mean To “Share”?

A friend told me that she and her husband have different ideas of what sharing is all about. She said that her husband believes that sharing is giving some of what you have to someone else because you love him or her. But she believes that sharing is giving someone what you have because you don’t want it. Interesting…

Not only does this information call into question our own ideas of what it means to share, but it points out a central fact of parenting: each parent might have quite different ideas, rooted in how each parent was raised, and those ideas are equally valid. Both my friend and her husband believe in their ideas about sharing. Each believes the other’s ideas are wrong-headed. Both my friend and her husband are a bit bemused to discover such a fundamental difference in their partner, about a notion for which they each thought there was only one perspective.

My friend and her husband have two small children. How they will teach what it means to share remains to be seen. But they – and we all – are on notice that our partners may not agree with us on every point. And we cannot assume that we are always right.

What about you? Do you and your child’s other parent (or grandparent) have opposing ideas about discipline or eating or entertainment or something else? How have you handled this?