Solving Holiday Toy Frustration

Scaffolding 101

Did this happen to your child? He received a gift of a nifty toy or gizmo but what seemed like a fun activity ended in tears or in a shrug. Too hard, too complicated, more like work than play. The gift was put away or even given away and disappointment lingers, for your child … and for you too.

This sort of thing happens a lot.

Matching an activity to a child’s growing abilities is not an easy task, especially at a once-a-year gift event like Christmas or a birthday. It’s natural to want to buy a toy or gizmo with staying power, one that the child will enjoy throughout the year. The problem is that entry level engagement with the gift may be too difficult for the child at the moment he receives it. And if it’s too difficult at the beginning, the gift is not likely to be ever revisited later. The first encounter has to be successful.

The key is to success with a just-out-of-reach toy is to introduce it at a level that guarantees success. Your objective is to present the toy within the child’s “Zone of Proximal Development” or ZPD. It has to be challenging enough to be interesting but not so difficult that success is unattainable. The toy has to push the boundaries of a child’s abilities just enough to stretch them, but not enough to snap them back in frustration.

If your child was frustrated by a too-difficult gift, there’s still time to rescue the situation. Here’s how…

Become familiar with the gizmo yourself. Some evening after your child is in bed, get the toy out and work with it. Notice the sorts of skills it requires just to interact with it. Consider how this gizmo might work in actual practice and where the pitfalls might lie for your child. If you already know where the pitfalls were for your kid in her first attempts with this thing, think about what went wrong at that point. Forget following the directions right now. Just examine the toy and think about it and your kid.

Then figure out how to simplify the interaction. It might be that putting the entire Lego castle together following the pictured directions is where your child will get to six months from today. Right now she might need to understand how the bricks go together and come apart. A child may be overwhelmed by all sixteen paints in an artist’s kit. Think about presenting just one color of paint and playing with using the brush, different amounts of water, and different kinds of paper. If there is danger that the gizmo might break or your child might be hurt, simplify to a low enough level that these things can’t happen. Think ahead.

Re-introduce the activity as something that’s shared by the two of you. Take on the role of big kid instead of a teacher role. Play alongside your child and share in the fun and the challenges. Do not correct his attempts or enforce a “one right way” method. Puzzle along with your child and if things seem very hard, simplify more on the spot. The objective is to engage your child in figuring things out, not in reaching some predetermined outcome.

And, of course, you’ll want to follow these steps before you next give your child a gift that you hope he’ll “grow into.” In the next post in this series, I’ll let you look over my shoulder as I try to do just that.


Please add a comment: Did your child experience any frustration with a holiday gift this year? What happened? Do include your child’s age too…